


Uninformed

by LastHope



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Dufufufu Spoilers, Gen, He knows when you are sleeping, He knows which kinks to shame, Humor, Tsukumoya has eyes everywhere, petty revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7797775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastHope/pseuds/LastHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The unpopular informant Tsukumoya went on a date with Heiwajima Shizuo today. Tsukumoya wonders why no one bothered to tell him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uninformed

While he has eyes and ears all over Ikebukuro - and most of Tokyo, to be quite honest - he admittedly is not listening to everything at all times. Really, it would cause quite the headache, trying to focus on everything at once. It’s much easier to have programs to sift through the important things and deal with things as they interest him.

That’s why he’s only peripherally aware of the whole “Fake Heiwajima Shizuo” or, as some have coined him, the “Fakezuo” situation. Yes, he was extremely interested it when the thread first popped up - people from Numabukuro talking about Heiwajima Shizuo appearing there, instead of his usual haunt of Ikebukuro. Tsukumoya had been interested at first, but when he discovered it to be nothing more than an impostor, he quickly lost interest.

Still, he does want to follow what Nobusuma does while assuming Heiwajima’s name, so he sets up a program to track any mentions of Heiwajima Shizuo with and without the filter “fake” attached to it. There’s nothing interest for a day or so. A brief mention of the initial mix-up in Numabukuro, but nothing interesting happens until the last name “Heiwajima” pings something completely unrelated to the eldest son. It pops up in an obituary, and when Tsukumoya looks into it out of curiosity, it appears that the man’s grandmother died.

The same day the services are scheduled is the same day Nobusuma saunters into Ikebukuro to steal Heiwajima’s identity. He truly is a lucky individual, Tsukumoya thinks, to have chosen the one day Heiwajima isn’t in the district to impersonate him. Of course, this isn’t luck that’s meant to last.

Within a half an hour of Nobusuma entering Ikebukuro the city has him figured out. Anyone who reacts to his act is just humoring the doomed man. One last gift and funeral rite to a dead man. He thinks the irony is lost to everyone except for him, but that could be because he has all the information in front of him. Tsukumoya loses interest quickly, and takes his attention from the Fakezuo situation to other things that have been needing his attention, letting the pings of his filter become background noise to his work.

As it is, the pings occur so frequently he misses the notification of a different filter he had set up. When it dawns on him that he heard the notification sound, he discovers that he missed it because it had pinged at the same time as another Fakezuo notification.

Tsukumoya had set up a filter program for his own name not out of narcissism but out of curiosity for how often the populace mentioned his name. Of course, that doesn’t mean he understands why his name pinged with Heiwajima Shizuo’s. Until he sees the video.

The caption is what pinged his name - “ _The unpopular informant Tsukumoya Shinichi asking Heiwajima Shizuo out on a date!”_

Really, Tsukumoya thinks dryly. He wonders why no one thought to tell him of this fact.

The comments have already slammed the uploader with the notification that it’s the Fake Shizuo, but no one has denied that the other man in the video isn’t really Tsukumoya Shinichi.

And really, Tsukumoya isn’t about to contradict it either.

He starts the video, and watches the truly disgustingly pathetic fangirling of who could be loosely referred to as his business competitor. Tsukumoya watches with partial interest as Orihara claims to be him - really, the nerve of him calling Tsukumoya “unpopular” - and asks Nobusuma out a little too eagerly. Tsukumoya files the video and information as fuel for the next time he wants to rile Orihara up, and maybe does abandon what he was originally doing in order to follow Orihara on his mock-date.

The majority of the video feeds he hacks into don’t have audio, but Tsukumoya believes he makes a fair judgment on [what occurs in the conversation](http://lemoninasin.tumblr.com/post/148306173657/some-fakezuoxizaya-first-date-screenshots-for-the). Orihara is too pathetic on his own, so obviously looking for male attention. It’s plain to see he’s after Heiwajima Shizuo by the way he’s making a poor substitute, but apparently beggars like Orihara can’t be choosers.

Ah, that reminds Tsukumoya of something he saw earlier. It would be a fitting comeuppance for Orihara giving how he’s taken Tsukumoya’s name for his dirty role-playing kinks.

With his decision made, Tsukumoya puts Orihara and his date to the background while he works on his revenge. Sure, it’s more petty than anything, but Tsukumoya finds it amusing and he knows that Orihara will get riled up over it, and that’s all he wants from it.

It doesn’t take a graphic designer to photoshop an image, but it does take a keen eye to pick the right photo base and the right photo of Orihara to use.

When Tsukumoya tunes back to Orihara’s date, he’s macing what appears to be a random citizen with extreme prejudice. Of course, he knows that that random citizen is part of a forgery group pretending to be the Awakusu-kai, but with how shoddy Orihara can be with his work sometimes, Tsukmoya doesn’t know if the other broker is aware of that. Still, he already has his taunt for Orihara over that planned out - _What, do you always keep mace on you in case all your dates go wrong?_ \- and watches as Nobusuma comes in and kicks the guy in the face.

Orihara, predictably, has scrammed by the time the guy and his buddies start kicking on Nobusuma. It must not have been a very good date. Most likely nothing but the real deal can compare to Orihara’s standards. And he’ll have to wait a while for that.

Poor Orihara, Tsukumoya thinks as he submits his photoshopped image to a cross-dressing contest with under the name “Orihara Izaya”. With his standards, he’s going to stay single forever. Though, that’s probably a blessing to everyone.

Tsukumoya follows Nobusuma around a little while longer, periodically hopping back to see the comments on Orihara’s submission to the cross-dressing contest. Eventually, Heiwajima returns to Ikebukuro with his little brother and Nobusuma tries to hustle him before leaving. The ending is predictable, and as he clicks off the window, Tsukumoya wonders if Izaya has discovered his entry yet.

Ah, well, he’s sure to hear about it the next time Orihara comes crying to him for help.

Tsukumoya does keep an eye out for the contest results however, and thinks that no matter how upset Orihara is with Tsukumoya over his revenge, he should be happy.

After all, he wins first place in the cross-dressing contest.

* * *

 


End file.
